Well, today is a day to be happy about! I got to watch my grandson for the first time...alone! We bonded. I told him how perfect he was and he stuck his tongue out at me and tracked me with his eyes. I'll take it! It was great. I took 50 pictures of him in less than 10 minutes, got peed on but didn't care, and showed him a picture of his grandpa Jove and let him listen to Jove's voice. While hanging with him for that very short hour and 15 minutes (take longer next time, guys!), I realized that I really, really love this little guy. I love my kids immensely but there is so much more room in my heart for grandsons and new friends and, yes, even another love one day. I sometimes wonder "how would that even be POSSIBLE?" but I realize that it's like having your second child. You didn't take some love away from the first to give to the second; you simply dug a little deeper and found a whole new depth of love that just needed found.
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Wow does THAT sound strange to say! I met Carter for the first time last night after returning from our wonderful vacation. He is gorgeous and has such a sweet disposition! I would gladly keep him forever but his mom and dad won't let me, the big meanies :) So when I saw him I cried. I never considered that I would do that just from meeting him but something came over me and I got a bit choked up. My stepson assumed it was because I was thinking of Jove not being there to see his first grandchild up close and personal but, honestly, though I had thought of that a lot leading up to the meeting, that was not in my head at the moment I laid eyes on that beautiful boy. Instead, I think I was just in awe of God's beautiful creation and how perfectly He made us. It is a huge gift to be a grandma (from here on out to be called the Tagalog name for Grandma which is 'Lola') at such a young age. I look forward to being in his life and telling him about his Grandpa and how much he looked forward to loving him. I already saw Jove in his grandson that first meeting. When Carter was fussy, I danced some hustle with him and he calmed down right away. Since my own son won't dance with me maybe Carter will be my new dance partner in a few years :) With Jove's death, I could have lost my relationship with my stepchildren if any of us had chosen that but, thankfully, my husband's death brought us closer together as a family and, again, I am so thankful. I have a lot to be grateful for this Easter Sunday. Thanks to Jesus' suffering, I will see my Jove in Heaven one day and that is just one more reason to say 'thank you' today.
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AuthorThis is my attempt to let you into my new life. It's sorta like my old life only I'm a little more introspective, a lot more realistic, a bit more cautious and, yet, more willing to risk it! This widowhood throws you for a loop and it takes awhile to figure out how you want to handle it. You can read about how it's going for me if you want... Archives
January 2017
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