That IS happening, if I'm honest. The biggest change that's had the largest impact is my new-found trust in my faith. It's funny that I attended Catholic school for 12 years, attended small groups at my church, helped to start the Children's Ministry at our church, etc...and this is the first time I've felt truly, truly connected to God. It's a beautiful thing and I'm grateful that the Holy Spirit planted in me this desire to seek more answers and learn more from God's Word. I feel like it is so relevant, not just dealing with my grief and loss, but with the frustrations of everyday life situations, with parenting issues, with friend issues, with guilt issues, etc...It's comforting to know that I have a place I can turn to with any issue that is occurring in my life at any moment and can find some direction and peace.
I guess another major change is accepting that I'm capable of more than I thought. Jove spoiled me rotten, as I believe I alluded to in the past, and I didn't mind one bit. I never did outside yard work (and, to be honest, I still don't do too much- sorry, neighbors!), never changed a lightbulb, never fixed anything, rarely attended to an insect, didn't do a lot of heavy lifting...s-p-o-i-l-e-d! How he let me get away with that for so long...he must have really loved me! Anyway, I am definitely capable of some of this stuff (though I still ask for help sometimes). Also, it's been almost 8 months now and this single motherhood, though not at all what I ever imagined for my family, is working out mostly okay. We all still like each other and respect each other and I could not be more proud of that fact. I have always thought tragedy was synonymous with dysfunction. I don't want to speak too soon but I see good things for our family.
Is there a point to all this madness? Maybe just to be certain to embrace the entirety of the tragedy and the change that will result from it. Be open to coming out of the process altered in some way. Romans 5:1-5 reminds us that if you embrace the struggle, you will come away from it with more character and more hope and that makes me feel peaceful.